The Ties that Bind
by Viridian
Summary: [Xenosaga I]Arriving on Second Miltia, everyone finds a path they must tread and a past they must face. Clutching to the ties that bind, they will find their strength. Includes Jr.x MOMO developments
1. I Am a Thousand Winds that Blow

Chapter 1: I Am a Thousand Winds that Blow  
  
It was a strange dusk on Second Miltia. A man paused as he knelt before a gravestone and looked up at the red-tinted clouds. The sky seemed to be bursting in flame as showers of shooting stars rained down overhead. A ghostly form of a space ship suddenly appeared, gliding silently as if on invisible wings; a calm and unperturbed vision amidst the fiery display of the heavens.  
  
***  
  
Onboard the Elsa, things had quieted down a bit. Or rather, it was completely quiet. After the ecstatic celebratory mood that engulfed the group upon KOS-MOS' return to the bridge, a strangely draining sense of relief had washed over them as the impact of the day's events hit them hard. The Elsa cruised aimlessly as each person stared into the dying sunlight, lost in their own thoughts and memories.  
  
Heels tapping eerily in the dead silence, Shion walked slowly to the front of the bridge.  
  
Second Miltia.  
  
She was back.  
  
She did not think the day would come so soon. Despite her replies to her brother that she would try to take some time off for a visit, she had never really intended to go through with it. Her hands balled into fists; her memories here would be different than the surreal nightmarish vision in KOS- MOS' Encephalon - but still more immediate, more raw, and more real.  
  
Behind her, Allen shook slightly as the tension ebbed away. His knees buckled, and he collapsed onto the floor with a sigh of relief. Weakly, he raised his arm to block the piercing light and his eyes were automatically drawn toward Shion. A sense of unease settled over him as he noticed the stiff set of her back. She had always been an intensely private person, and in despair, he could not help but wonder whether she had ever opened up to Kevin and shared with him why the memories of her childhood plagued her so.  
  
Ever silent and watchful, Ziggy leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, his eyes focused on MOMO as he reflected on the nearing end of his guardianship. Soon, it would be time to move on. His neural circuits would be replaced, and he would no longer feel the pain of being reminded of his stepson, of having someone to protect, of being needed - and failing. An end to the pain. An end to this existence. He should be delighted.  
  
MOMO's eyes were drawn to the Proto Merkabah, its components burning up in their descent into the atmosphere. Was the Song of Nephilim burning too, she wondered. Were her sisters among those shooting stars and, in the space of these few heartbeats, breathtakingly alive? Would they be angry with her, if she was moved to tears at the sight of this magnificent spectacle? And as they turned to ashes and crumbled to dust, would they ride the wind forever?  
  
A soft rustle of fabric told her that Jr. had moved next to her. A warm hand brushed against hers and she took it without turning around, feeling gratified that Jr.'s hand tightened around hers in return. But if she had looked over, she would have seen that his eyes, too, were fixed on the remnants of the monstrous facility. And she may have dared to break this almost-sacred silence, to ask him why he seemed so sad and angry and fearful at the same time. She didn't, however, and whatever answer Jr. might have grudgingly given was lost in the swirl of his turbulent thoughts.  
  
And, enigmatic as ever, chaos simply stared, unfocused, at the floor. Only KOS-MOS was not hypnotized by her own thoughts, but even as she surveyed the people on the bridge, she did not possess the emotional perception to note with any curiosity that chaos seemed more anxious than relieved.  
  
The blanket of silence was suddenly pierced by a loud buzz. 


	2. To the Wind's Twelve Quarters

Chapter 2: To the Wind's Twelve Quarters  
  
"What the hell?!" growled Matthews angrily as everyone was started out of their reverie at the sudden sound. He had almost fallen out of his chair in surprise, and tried to cover up his embarrassment by stomping on the unfortunate Hammer's head. "Hammer!"  
  
"Captain!" Hammer whined weakly. He himself had almost jumped out of his skin when the buzz sounded, and now he had a footprint on his head as well. He sighed longingly at the other consoles to the right, and wondered if there was a way to switch over to the other side.  
  
A loud buzz sounded again.  
  
"Hammer!" Another stomp.  
  
"Ouch! Alright, alright, Captain; I'm onto it," Hammer grumbled, rubbing the back of his head with one hand as he scanned the console in front of him. "Ah, it's from the Durandal. I'll open a channel."  
  
chaos blinked and smiled as he walked forward, "They must have been quite worried."  
  
A screen materialized on the bridge.  
  
"Little Master!" Mary screamed in relief. "You're alright! Thank goodness."  
  
There was a cacophony of sound as cheers, sighs and a barrage of questions deluged the Elsa's bridge.  
  
"Argh!" Jr. yelled, "Pipe down! You people are going to burst my eardrums! Put Gaignun on, would you?"  
  
The noise level gradually died down as Mary moved aside for Gaignun, but those aboard the Elsa could still make out her sulky retort, "Oh, but we were so worried for Little Master! He didn't need to yell at us like that ..."  
  
"Is everything alright? What happened on the Proto Merkabah? We've been trying to get in contact with you ever since it broke apart; were you not receiving the signal?" Gaignun's expression, while calm, held a hint of anxiety.  
  
"Hmm, it must have been the electromagnetic inference, with all the falling debris from the Proto Merkabah," chaos mused out loud.  
  
"Yeah. Anyway, that bastard Albedo programmed the Proto Merkabah to descend into Second Miltia after the destruction of the core reactor," Jr. explained.  
  
Gaignun turned his attention to Jr. He wryly noted the linked hands, but only a slight twitch of his eyebrow betrayed his amusement.  
  
"We had to detach all the sub-compartments so that the debris would be small enough to burn up during descent. By the time we made our escape on the Elsa, we couldn't escape the planet's gravitational pull. It was a close one there, but we made it okay, thanks to KOS-MOS." Jr. gestured towards the android. She paused before nodding curtly.  
  
"I see," Gaignun mused as he acknowledged KOS-MOS with a grave nod. "I assume that Albedo had no intention of going down with the ship?"  
  
"Nah, that bastard fled. He left us to fight a Gnosis fused to the reactor." Jr. kicked angrily at a nearby console to vent his emotions.  
  
"He fused a Gnosis to the reactor?" came the surprised tone of the usually placid Shelley from somewhere to Gaignun's right.  
  
"Well, as long as everyone's okay," Gaignun interjected. "I should go contact Representative Helmer soon and let him know what's happened. So what do you plan to do next?"  
  
"Hmm," Jr. looked around at the others.  
  
"Well," Hammer turned to glance at his captain. "We certainly didn't expect to make landfall on Second Miltia. We aren't carrying enough propulsion to attain escape velocity; we'll need to land and refuel, at least. And we still haven't assessed how much damage the Elsa took during reentry. It may be necessary to repair her before we try to return to the Durandal."  
  
"Yeah," Matthews nodded in agreement. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Repairs? More repairs?! Argh! I knew these people were bad luck the moment I set eyes on them!" he moaned.  
  
Jr. snickered at the man's outburst, and he certainly took his time before he assured the distraught captain, "Don't worry. Put it on the Foundation's tab. And we won't dock it off your pay this time."  
  
Gaignun nodded in agreement, carefully hiding a grin behind one hand.  
  
"MOMO," Ziggy stepped forward, throwing a quick look at the tiny Realian, "is supposed to be dropped off here."  
  
A hush descended on the bridge.  
  
MOMO gasped in surprise; she had almost completely forgotten. Being with Ziggy and everyone else on the Elsa had felt like being with family – or at least, what she always imagined family should feel like. And then, there was ...  
  
Jr. had spun around to look at her. She winced involuntarily as his grip tightened around her hand. His mouth hung open and he looked as if he was struck dumb. She thought she saw something flicker in his deep blue eyes, and she felt that she had to say something. But nothing would come out.  
  
"You ..." Jr. tried to force himself to speak, but his throat had gone curiously dry and his voice cracked strangely in the silence. He cleared his throat and tried again, "That's right. You're ... supposed to go to the U.M.N. Control Center, right?" He struggled to regain his composure as he kicked himself mentally. He knew all along that she would leave soon; he had even given her a special charm to keep her safe once she left. His eyes fell automatically to the item in question, which hung loosely about MOMO's wrist, and despite the somber turn of events, felt an inexplicable flutter of satisfaction.  
  
"Ah yes," Gaignun's voice broke into the uncomfortable silence. "I'll check with the Contact Subcommittee and see how they want to arrange matters."  
  
"I will not be returning to the Durandal either," came KOS-MOS' mechanical voice.  
  
Shion turned to KOS-MOS with a start. That was right; she had intended to accompany KOS-MOS to Second Miltia. She had to admit to herself that her strenuous protest to the director was partly motivated by her own pride, and she had given little thought to the implications.  
  
Second Miltia. Returning was unavoidable, it seemed.  
  
"Ah. Very well. Please let Mr. Wilhelm know that we are very grateful for your service."  
  
"As you wish."  
  
"Jr., keep Shelley informed as to your whereabouts. We'll contact you if there are any developments."  
  
"Okay," Junior waved a lazy salute.  
  
The screen went blank, and the bridge was quiet once more. Eyes shifted tensely here and there, glancing at MOMO and KOS-MOS. Someone cleared their throat. A boot scraped lightly against the floor. It was an awkward moment as they reflected on an unavoidable truth.  
  
With all meetings, there would be goodbyes. 


	3. Be It Ever So Humble

Chapter 3: Be It Ever So Humble  
  
"Ahem."  
  
Everyone turned to look at Hammer. Under the weight of so many eyes, he shifted nervously in his seat. "Well, Captain, it's getting a little dark. We can't just cruise up here all night like when we're in normal space. We should find a place to land, at least."  
  
"I know that! Was just a little distracted, that's all. Hammer, contact U.M.N. Control and request permission to land."  
  
"Wait," Shion interrupted. She hesitated for a moment, before continuing, "Don't bother. Second Miltia's been colonized for barely two decades – there's a lot of open space and minimal air traffic. There's no need to go all the way to the capital tonight and pay for docking." Her eyes scanned the ground below. "Let's just land around here for the meanwhile. I think we could all use some rest right about now."  
  
"Miss Vector," Matthews growled, "We'll have to find docking and get the Elsa looked over eventually." He pointed a thumb at Jr. "Might as well just go since Little Master's going to foot the bill anyway. Besides, I could use some real food."  
  
"Says the person who gobbles everything in front of him," Tony muttered, just loud enough to be heard by everyone.  
  
And it was the unfortunate Hammer who got the boot.  
  
"You moron! A man doesn't pick at his food! He eats whatever – "  
  
"Captain," chaos' calm voice broke into their bickering. "I think Shion has more to say."  
  
"Eh? Oh," Matthews' rant came to a screeching halt. "Well, then, speak up Miss Vector!"  
  
"Well," Shion replied, "My brother lives around here. I'm sure he'd be happy to put us up for a while." Might as well get it over with, she thought to herself resignedly.  
  
chaos blinked.  
  
"Captain ..." he began, but Matthews threw his hands up in the air and snarled, "Alright, alright, I give up! Just hurry up and tell us where to land." As his seat rose to its usual position, he muttered grumpily, "This baby wasn't meant to land on a dirt ground, you know?"  
  
"After all she's been through, no one's going to notice a few more scratches," chaos offered helpfully.  
  
As Shion directed the Elsa, Ziggy turned to Allen. "She has a brother?"  
  
"Yeah. An elder brother by more than ten years, I believe. Jin, I think his name was. Jin Uzuki."  
  
"Jin," Jr. repeated absently.  
  
"Don't know much about him though," continued Allen cheerfully, "Chief rarely mentions him, and even when she does, it's usually a rant about how he's a good-for-nothing idler who just reads books and sharpens his sword all day. He must be a rather odd fellow." He stopped and his eyebrows creased in worry.  
  
"Shion's probably exaggerating," chaos assured Allen as he chuckled lightly.  
  
***  
  
Night was sinking fast by the time the Elsa came upon Shion's childhood home. From above, they could see it nestled serenely between forested mountains, and windswept junipers surrounded it with an ancient dignity. The warm golden lights that flickered from within held a promise of rest and comfort. Tony found even ground to land the Elsa, and the group disembarked.  
  
The door slid open with a steely hiss, and they were immediately greeted by a gust of fresh evening air that carried the scent of pine mixed with a faint hint of sea spray. It breezed through the valley, and leaves rustled an accompaniment to the rising chorus of cicadas. MOMO gasped in delight; she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.  
  
"So this is what it's like on the ground!" she exclaimed. Her senses tingled as her surroundings seemed to come to life around her. The startlingly cool mountain air caressing her hair and the smell of grass and trees stretching as far as the eye could see; a harmony of sounds drifting from a living, breathing forest ... and the stars! MOMO's eyes widened as she stared upwards. Like always, the stars shone with a cold, penetrating light, but now they also flickered as if they were pulsing, beating. The entire sky glittered and shimmered unlike any skyscape she had seen before, and the little girl who grew up amidst a sea of stars found herself breathless.  
  
"Twinkle, twinkle little star; how I wonder what you are?" Jr. sang softly, giving MOMO a knowing smile.  
  
"What was that, Jr.?" MOMO asked, curious.  
  
"It's from a song from long, long ago, when all of mankind lived on the ground," he replied. "A nursery rhyme, they called it. Children used to know it by heart."  
  
"Really? A twinkling star?" She beamed brightly at Jr., "Well, I can see why it's so easy to remember. It does come straight from the heart! Jr., how does the rest of the song go?"  
  
Shion smiled as she bent forward, bringing herself down to MOMO's eye level. "It would be fun for all of us to learn it together. But first, how about we go inside and get something to eat?"  
  
MOMO nodded, giggling as her stomach growled its agreement. "I completely forgot! I could really use some food too!"  
  
A twig crackled behind them.  
  
The Elsa crew whirled around, glancing nervously about. Ziggy stepped in front of MOMO protectively, while Jr.'s arm automatically whipped out to grab MOMO's, pulling her back. Turning only her head, KOS-MOS directed her sensors to the form that emerged from deep shadows.  
  
"Jin," Shion greeted the figure as she stepped forward.  
  
"Shion?" came a voice of cautious astonishment. "Is that really you? I didn't think you'd drop by so soon."  
  
"I didn't think so either," she thought to herself.  
  
"Could you put us up for a while?"  
  
"Company is always welcome," Jin replied graciously. "Have you all eaten?"  
  
"No," came Matthews' low growl, "You have something on the stove?"  
  
"Well, nothing that's enough to feed this large a crew," he replied, laughing softly. Gesturing to his sister, he continued, "But Shion could probably whip up something quickly. She makes great curry."  
  
Matthews groaned. "I knew we should have headed straight for the capital."  
  
"Well, please step inside. And then maybe Shion will remember her manners and introduce us." Jin strode past them smoothly and pushed open a bamboo gate. "This way."  
  
He led them over a low bridge straddling a small stone-lined pond. It was too dark to make out the details, but they could hear the delicate tinkling of running water and a rhythmic tap-tapping sound. As they made their way towards the house, they could feel the well-worn smoothness of stepping stones alternating with the springy softness of grass. After removing his sandals, Jin stepped onto a wooden walkway and slid open a door. "It's not a fancy place, but please make yourselves comfortable," he said as he gestured for them to enter first. The others followed suit, carefully removing their boots and shoes before walking inside. KOS-MOS and Ziggy paused outside, looking somewhat confused.  
  
"Shion, I do not appear to have a protocol to address this situation," KOS- MOS declared bluntly.  
  
"It never occurred to us that it would be necessary," Allen interjected with a grin as Shion pulled out a scruffy-looking mat.  
  
"Here. Why don't you wipe your feet on this then?"  
  
"Wipe my feet ... with that?" KOS-MOS' eyes whirred, as if processing information. She started to bend over to pick up the mat. Ziggy sighed somewhat embarrassedly and proceeded to demonstrate.  
  
As Shion moved to follow KOS-MOS and Ziggy into the room, Jin touched her lightly on the shoulder; his eyes softened as he whispered, "I'm glad ... you chose to drop by."  
  
Once they had all settled comfortably onto the floor, Shion turned to her brother. "These are some people I happened to meet up with. This is KOS- MOS, the android I've been working on. Allen is my coworker. This little girl here is MOMO and the little boy ("Hey! I'm not a little boy!" came Jr.'s outraged protest) there is Jr.; he's with the Kukai Foundation. The cyborg is Ziggy. The rest are the crew of the Elsa sitting outside: chaos, Tony's the helmsman, Hammer's the navigator, and that's Captain Matthews."  
  
Jin surveyed his guests quietly and nodded at the introductions. "Pleased to meet all of you. I'm Shion's older brother, Jin Uzuki. Anyway, Shion, why don't you go prepare dinner for our guests? MOMO, would you mind helping me with the tea?" As MOMO nodded happily and stood up to follow him out of the room, he added, "It's not very comfortable on the floor, perhaps. chaos, there's a stack of cushions in the next room over there; would you mind bringing them over? Jr., could give you give him a hand?"  
  
Shion couldn't help but marvel, "I didn't realize you were so good with names."  
  
"It comes with age, I suppose," Jin replied with a cryptic smile.  
  
***  
  
The hungry guests did not have to wait too long before Shion reemerged with steaming plates of food. And there was not a trace of curry in sight. Matthews did not bother to comment on that, however – he was too busy eating. There was little time for conversation between mouthfuls, in any case, so the only sounds that could be heard were the clattering of silverware and the occasional growl of "More!" from the captain. When the plates were all cleared and even the good captain had thrown in the towel, Jin finally rose from his seat. "Shion, why don't you show our guests their quarters? I'll clear this up myself."  
  
"Oh, no," MOMO cried, leaping up to her feet. "Please let me help you." She reached for the plates and started piling them one on top of the other.  
  
"That's quite alright," Shion assured her, gently extracting the plate MOMO was holding and handing it over to Jin. "It's been a very long day for you. Let's get some rest, okay? It won't hurt Jin to do some work for a change anyway." Taking MOMO's hand, Shion walked out of the room, beckoning for everyone else to follow.  
  
"This is a lovely place, Shion," chaos observed as he followed her through the hall.  
  
"It's nothing much really."  
  
"It's simple, comfortable and peaceful. You can't really ask for more than that in a home."  
  
Shion was silent as she led them towards the bedrooms. A vase of fresh camellias adorned a nearby stand, and she paused to finger the petals gently. A time-worn picture frame stood next to it, and the photograph it bore was faded from the years of exposure to light. In the center of the picture was a young girl grinning broadly as she bounced on a bed; the man seated behind her was giving the child an indulgent smile, while the woman in the bed had eyes that drooped wearily despite her quiet smile.  
  
"Perhaps," was all she said. 


	4. That You Should Remember and Be Sad

Thanks for all the reviews.  
  
For this story, I intend to create my own version of Episode II, so to speak. It will be pretty broad in scope, but will not try to resolve all the plot threads (since I don't really have working theories for everything). The focus will be mainly on character development and resolving character conflicts, so I apologise if the story seems to be moving somewhat slowly at the moment. I'm trying to incorporate elements from trailers and released screenshots (although Canaan is too vague a character for me to work with) into an ultimately uplifting story.  
  
As for KOS-MOS and chaos ... characters may eventually run off with a life of their own, but at the moment, I'm afraid that's not in the works. My personal view is that chaos is too selfless to actually fall in love with one person. He loves everyone =).  
  
******************************  
  
Chapter 4: That You Should Remember and Be Sad  
  
It was about an hour or so before everyone finally settled into their sleeping pallets. KOS-MOS and Ziggy had returned to their maintenance beds on the Elsa. One by one, the lights dimmed and went out, and rumbling snores soon intermingled with the chirping of cicadas and an occasional lone hoot from a hunting owl. In the dark, Shion lay awake, staring blankly at the ceiling. It wasn't that bad to be home again. She could not remember it ever having bustled with so much activity like this day. But for now, however, she wanted to savour the stillness.  
  
Carefully pushing away the light blanket that covered her, she sat up and looked over at MOMO. Satisfied that the little girl was sound asleep, she rose and padded softly out of the room. Pale, silvery light streamed in from open windows as she moved along the hallway, suffusing it with a strange, ethereal glow. Half-lit photographs of memories that seemed an age away; the old grandfather clock that would stutter a bit when it rang in twelve o'clock; a slightly bent antique candleholder that she had accidentally knocked off its perch when she was young enough not to have gotten into too much trouble ... they cast grotesque shadows in a hallway that suddenly teemed with shades of the past. The stillness began to feel oppressive as moonlight animated these memories, and they battered and clamoured at the wall within her.  
  
She noticed a light on in the living room and, desperate for a respite from the darkness that grasped at her, she hurried towards it. Through the open door, she could see Jin seated on the floor as she drew close. Motionless, arms tucked into his sleeves, he seemed to be staring out through the other open door on the far side of the room and deep into the garden. On the table, a cup of tea steamed in front of him. An overturned cup sat next to the teapot, expectantly.  
  
Jin turned around when he heard the floor creak behind him. "Shion," he smiled, gesturing to a seat on the opposite side of the table. He poured out a second cup of tea, and set it down in front of her as she sat down.  
  
"It's good to see you, Shion. How's work going?"  
  
"Pretty well, I suppose. KOS-MOS is finally up and functional, and after everything checks out okay, I'll probably go ahead with my request for a transfer to the Third Division. What are you up to?" She had rather dreaded this moment, and could not help but feel relieved that Jin was satisfied with the exchange of basic pleasantries.  
  
"Do you even need to ask? You will just scold me when I answer anyway." he replied good-naturedly before continuing in a more serious tone. "So? Why have you come to Second Miltia? I'm sure you did not bring so many people along for a company retreat."  
  
"Well, KOS-MOS' first deployment is here. I came along to keep an eye on her."  
  
"Oh? And the others?"  
  
"We ran into them as we made our way here. They just happen to be other people with business in the area," Shion replied evasively. The recent series of events was making her feel extremely uneasy, and despite all her lectures and litanies, she felt an irrational urge to preserve her brother's idyllic way of life and shield it from the chaotic world outside. She found herself looking at her brother fondly; he was such a dreamer, spending his days with his head lost in the clouds. As much as it had always annoyed her, his naïveté suddenly seemed like a precious, fragile flower blooming in the middle of a war zone. Lost in thought, it seemed as if the ends of Jin's mouth turn up slightly in a faint smile, but it was gone before she could be sure.  
  
"I see. It's good to travel with company these days."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Hmmm? Oh, nothing really. I've just been hearing lots of news about Gnosis attacks recently."  
  
"Ah." Shion paused to sip from her cup. It had been a long time since she last had Jin's special home-brewed tea. Its aroma smoothed the jangle of her nerves, and the heat settled in her stomach comfortingly. As the tensions of the day seeped away, she turned to look out into the garden. It was too dark to see anything, but the emptiness drew in her gaze almost hypnotically. Jin, too, turned his eyes outward, and an amiable silence fell over them.  
  
Eventually, Shion drained her cup and set it down carefully. "Thanks for the tea. I think I can sleep now."  
  
Jin did not move as she made to rise from her seat, but his eyes lost their faraway look and he said, "Shion, will you come with me to visit the tombstone tomorrow?"  
  
When Shion did not reply, he added softly, "They would be very happy."  
  
"They're dead. Whether I go or not makes no difference to them."  
  
"But whether you go or not makes a difference to you." Jin's piercing eyes swung around to scan her face. "The ancient religions understood this well. Mourning is for the living, not the dead. The dead have found their peace, but if you do not let yourself mourn, you will never find yours. You must accept the entirety of your memories, Shion."  
  
"You must accept the entirety of your memories ..." Nephilim's words in the Encephalon echoed in the vaults of her mind.  
  
"Will you please stop?!" Startled by the memory, Shion had shouted more loudly than she had intended. If Jin was shocked by her outburst, he did not show it. Her voice rang hollowly in the twilight stillness, and the sounds that echoed back to her ears were cold and harsh.  
  
"Why ... why can't you understand ..." Her hands clutched at the hem of her jacket, "You can not understand ..."  
  
"But I do," Jin replied gently. "That's why I say this."  
  
Shion strode purposefully to the door and halted briefly. "I will ... need some time," she murmured before fading into the night. 


	5. The Mind Has a Thousand Eyes The Heart ...

Chapter 5.1 was actually written months and months ago, right after chapter 4. However, I didn't have the time to finish 5.2, and therefore didn't upload it. I doubt I'll have the opportunity to finish it up in the near future, but since I happen to be uploading something else, I suppose I should put this up as well ...

* * *

Chapter 5.1: The Mind Has a Thousand Eyes

Shion's wakefulness had not gone unnoticed. In the next room, Jr. was tossing and turning fitfully, and was himself on the verge of getting up for a walk when he heard the door to Shion's bedroom slide open. He listened carefully; the footfalls were too heavy to be MOMO's, and they fell with a certain confidence and ease, suggesting familiarity with the layout of the house. He groaned; he had gathered from the visions in the Encephalon that Shion had painful memories concerning her parents, and for whatever reason she was roaming the house at this hour, there was no question that his appearance would be intrusive. He sighed and sprawled onto his back.

There was no way he was going to get any sleep tonight. Too many disturbing images raced through his head. Had so much happened in the last twenty-four hours?

He rolled out from under his covers and crept to the window. Resting both elbows on the ledge, he gazed out into the night. Despite all the muscles in his body screaming for respite, his mind was refusing to give him any peace. Insistent and unbidden, memories of this long day intruded before his mind's eye ... the smell of raw fear and the babble of terrified voices as they fought through the press of bodies fleeing, mindlessly fleeing, the eerily soundless assault of the Gnosis ... the broken wail of a little girl sifting desperately through the powdery remains of the parents he had been too late to save ... _Damn that Albedo! Damn him for summoning the Song of Nephilim and toying with them like they merely existed to affirm his superiority._ Unconsciously, he hammered his fist against the window sill and jumped at the sudden sound. He looked around quickly, guiltily, hoping that he hadn't woken anyone up. But no one even stirred (_everybody's probably dead tired_, he realised), and he returned uneasily to his thoughts.

The Song of Nephilim. Yes, and then there was that ...

He clutched at his head and shut his eyes tightly, concentrating, willing, _forcing_ the memories to sink back into their depths. But cruel and stubborn are those memories which we despise, and the more we fear them, the more brazenly they flaunt themselves. And in spite of his best efforts, surface they did. The despairing jolt of MOMO'S telepathic plea for help ... the blank, lifeless stare of that kirshwasser at the entrance ... the rictus of savage pleasure on Albedo's face as he tore through her ... Her cries of anguish had torn through him like a white-hot blade. Jr.'s knuckles whitened as his hands caught the window sill in a merciless grip; his arms and shoulders tensed as if the sill was Albedo's neck and he could rid the world of that piece of vermin by snapping it. The memories flowed onwards, ever unstoppable, and he shuddered as he recalled those burning eyes, that giddy, spine-chilling laugh of a man drunk on some sensual delight ... and, and ... the tear of pain and shame that rolled down her face as he had just stood there, watching helplessly ... guiltily. For he knew he was at fault too – as much as Albedo had enjoyed tormenting MOMO, it was obvious that he had done as much to torment _him_.

How he wanted to stomp and yell in sheer frustration! This fragile, peaceful silence – how he wanted to shatter its foolish complacency and with furious curses drag its cowardly hide out from under the covers! He seethed and he fumed, and it rankled him all the more because he couldn't vent without being a very, very inconsiderate house guest.

Jr. groaned and flopped against the window, arms dangling as he wearily rested his chin on the ledge. His body was too tired to sustain that much anger for long. Maybe after a few winks and breakfast.

_Have you forgotten what you did to us?! It's all because of you ..._ _Left behind in that horror, did we have any choice but to submit to it?_

Albedo's accusing words rang out in his mind. Jr. surrendered with a grimace, and let the memory wash over him.

_So you finally admit to it, you coward!_ Albedo had spat out those words sneeringly.

And again, in the privacy of his mind, in the deep calm of night, he could not but face the absolute truth: it _had_ all been his fault. Albedo was right. He _was_ such a coward. He had not known how to control it, the surge of fear that clawed at his heart, that tightening of the chest – so tight he was unable to breathe. He had lost it; he had panicked, and by panicking, everything was lost.

_How could I have known?_ He railed bitterly at the cold eyes that stared at him from his memories, dead eyes that were always weighing him, judging him and pronouncing him guilty. But how could he have known what fear was like if he had never experienced it before? Were URTVs so different, so inhuman, that they could be expected to feel nothing in that final moment between existence and nonexistence? Why had Dr. Yuriev bothered to make them different if their sole purpose in living was to destroy and be destroyed? How fair was it to wager so much that was priceless on the shoulders of those so naïve to the world? _It's not fair!!_

Why had his _one_ failure have to be so unforgiveable? Why, when other children – normal children – had the luxury of running away from their fears, into the embrace of warm, soothing voices that reassured and taught and chided, and the luxury of time to come to terms with their fears?

Yet those eyes still bore into him, and in their silent glare was another unassailable truth: no other URTV had severed their mental link. Of all hundreds of them, he had been the lone coward. Why? Why was he different? Was it some genetic destiny he had lost when he gained his unique powers? Guilt and shame surged through him, bile more bitter than any rage.

That he should have lived to this day, was it wrong?

Jr. sighed, and shifted uncomfortably. It was going to be a long night. Suddenly, he paused. The walls must have been exceedingly thin, for he seemed to hear a faint sound coming from next door. He cocked his head, straining to hear it clearly. There it was again. Frowning, he tip-toed to the wall and kneeled down. He could now distinctly hear muffled sobs. Had Shion returned without his noticing it? Probably not. It sounded more like MOMO.

And it troubled him – all the more so because he _should_ have expected this. He had been too lost in his own fury and self-pity to notice; how long had she been crying all by herself, scared and distressed and so very alone? Phantoms of memory became so vivid when the real world was sunk in darkness – how well he knew. Jr. rose swiftly to his feet, and slipped out of the room.

He took a deep breath, then tapped softly on the door to Shion's bedroom. The sobbing cut off immediately. He cracked the door open just enough to let his voice carry through. "MOMO?"

"Jr.?" MOMO's voice whispered tremulously.

"May I come in?"

There was a sudden rustle of bed sheets and blankets, and of skin rubbing against skin. MOMO was probably wiping her face, he surmised.

"Sure."

Jr. slid the door open and stepped inside. It was too dark to make out her expression clearly, but unshed tears sparkled in the moonlight. He almost reached out to wipe them away. But instead, he asked anxiously in a low voice, "Are you okay?"

"Y-yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry I woke you up; I didn't realize I was being so noisy." She rubbed her eyes vigourously.

"No, that's alright. You didn't wake me up; I-I couldn't sleep either. Would you like to go for a walk?" He scratched his head. "Well, I know you must be tired ... but perhaps ..."

"Thank you, Jr." she smiled weakly, "A walk would be very nice."


End file.
